A relationship breakup is something that almost all people in the world have been through at least once in their lifetime. Like many other people, Tamsen Fadal – the head of a marriage agency also suffered from a h*rtful divorce. Based on her own experience finding a new meaning for her life, she wrote the book “The New Single: Finding, Fixing, and Falling Back in Love with Yourself”, where she revealed the different things that people might have to go through to get over a broken relationship.
We come to the decision to share with you Tamsen’s opinions as there are many important things that people tend to not realize until after breaking up. We hope that through these sharing and advices, you can build a long-term and harmonious relationship in the future.
01 – Nothing terrible happened
After breaking up, initially, you will suffer from feeling sorry for yourself. You will recall your memories and tell your friends everything about the time you were together. It is common that you cannot sleep at night and do not enjoy foods. However, these feelings will eventually go away, and you will move on.
In Tamsen’s opinion, the hardest time after breaking up with someone is the first 90 days, which are called the “survival mode”. Some recommendation for you are to avoid making unthoughtful decision, to give up on the things that make you feel missarable, and to care about your appearance and health.
02 – You knew very little about yourself
While in a relationship, in order to avoid making your partner disappointed, you often make many compromises by doing things that your partner wants or going to places that he/she likes while forgetting about what you really want and who you really are.
After breaking up, you should do whatever you really like. You may realize that you are not into the layout of your apartment and cooking is not your hobby. You may find that the preferred location for your annual vacation is the beach instead of the Alps like you did in previous years.
03 – Get some quiet time
Unlike in the movies, you may not be able to go on vacation to overcome the break up. However, trying a new cuisine or meditating at home are amongst the easy things that you can do. “Unplugging yourself” is another recommendation by Tamsen. To do this, you just need to spend an hour in silence with yourself, breathe and look around to understand more deeply what you want to do. While doing this, try to avoid any devices that may disrupt your process.
04 – It’s better to be single than alone in a relationship
It is evident that fear of being alone is one of the most popular reasons keeping people in relationships. Many people are frightened of doing things such as going to the cinemas, eating out or spending weekends, alone. However, in reality, being alone with our thoughts and feelings are scarier than being physically alone.
Being single and being alone are different. You should not treat being single as an illness but a chance to have deeper understanding about yourself and to do things that you’ve been longing for.
05 – To find “the right person” you need to let go of “the wrong person” first
“The path is over when a goal is reached” is also applicable for relationships. In a relationship, two people will teach and receive somethings from each other, then they part once the lesson finishes. The end of a relationship might be blue, but it opens the access to another level of your self-development.
To ensure that the new partner can find a place in your life, you should make sure that you are over the previous relationship before starting a new one.
06 – Now you can do a lot of things
Before meeting your partners, you may have had some dreams or plans those priorities are different in your life together. It is now the time to make your dreams and plans come true as nothing can prevent you from doing so.
07 – You must be self-fulfilled to be happy with someone else
Knowing who to be trusted is important but trust yourself is even more important. You will feel better when saying out loud what make you worried.
It is impossible for you to find a new person without understanding what you really need and want.
People feel happier when they can express themselves, and your apperance is one of the ways for you to do so. You can experiment with your appearance when being single as you can wear whatever you want without being affected by the opinions of others. So, why not enjoy it?
Remember that breaking up, by all means, is not something terrible but an opportunity to wrap up, to be thankful to the person for the happy time together, and to move on. Have you ever had an experience where someone decided to break up with you? What are your recommendations to other people who are facing the same situation to overcome a breakup?